My Five Guilty Pleasures
The lovely folks at Angel’s Guilty Pleasures asked me to share my top five in this amazing category. Woot woot! Here goes…
GUILTY PLEASURE 1. US Magazine
Sure, I can feel my brain cells dying as I read this pub, but I just can’t seem to stop myself. Stars…they’re just like us! Look, they pump gas and pick their noses! This is important stuff to know. Also, there is additional guilt in buying this rag because it costs like ten bucks a pop. I mean, I could download ten novels at 99-cents each for that money, and the people who wrote those books actually have a decent command of the English language. Honestly, buying US Magazine is just handing over money to paparazzi because it’s not like you’re reading it for the articles. And yet, it is still a guilty pleasure. Go figure.
GUILTY PLEASURE 2. Email Gotcha
Let’s say you’re an asshole that I work with in my day job. You’ve been trying to catch me on missing a deadline or doing something wrong because hey, dogging my steps like a stalker is easier than actually doing your real job, right? So one day, you think you have me. Let’s say I wrote a brochure and you think I didn’t copy you on the review email. Your black little heart is pounding with joy as you send a message to me and everyone else in the company, berating yours truly for not sending a draft by you for feedback. And here comes my guilty pleasure. I save emails, bitch. That’s when I reply to your nastiness and paste in the email where yes indeed-y, I totally copied you on the list-o-folks to review the brochure. My words in the message are all polite and shit but inside, I am LOVING THIS!!! Is that a nice emotion? No. Should I revel in the fact that I got you back? Probably not. Do I do it anyway? Fuck yeah.
GUILTY PLEASURE 3. Dessert
There’s a lot that goes into this category. I’m talking Popcornopolis caramel corn (you must try this if you haven’t already.) Actually, I love anything with caramel and chocolate. Oh, and if you add in sea salt to your caramel and chocolate, YEAH! There’s also cannoli from Boston’s North End. I mean, that shit is just a brick of cheese. Why is it so good? Best not to ask questions and just eat.
GUILTY PLEASURE 4. Massage
I get a weekly massage from a Moroccan dude named Fou-Fou who is vicious. I’m talking about a massage where you spend an hour going ‘ow-ow-why-am-I paying-for-this-ow-ow’ but afterwards you feel awesome. It’s an extreme guilty pleasure to pay someone to kick your ass. But when you sit on said ass all day long, it’s important to get your circulation going by a vicious Moroccan dude with a cute-sy name.
GUILTY PLEASURE 5. Redoing movie endings
Thankfully, I’ve married a man who likes how I re-write endings. After we watch a movie, my husband Matt always asks me what I’d do differently. I’m forever finding something. I’m a story teller; it’s my job-slash-compulsion. In Matt’s case, he actually REQUESTS my opinion on edits. There were many years when I VOLUNTEERED such information on the unsuspecting, and with not-so-great results. Example: in my college sorority, a bunch of us were in the common room watching a video of Pretty Woman (this was back in ye olden times when videos were rented from Blockbuster.) We got to the end, and there were twenty teenagers with moist eyes. Roll credits…and my mouth.
ME: What the hell? Did he just drive up in a limo with flowers and she just drops her whole idea of going back to school? That’s a terrible ending. She should go back to school, become amazing in business, and then she gets invited to negotiate this big deal and—BOOM!—it’s with Richard Gere. So they end up having this big battle of the sexes where they create a cool new company and then have sex on the conference room table. Isn’t that better? I mean, now she’s just having sex with Richard Gere and not getting paid anymore. If she went back to school, she could be his equal and they could work on his business together. Am I right or am I right?
SORORITY SISTERS: Stare at me in stunned silence.
I wish I could say that experiences like this one stopped me from sharing how I’d change movies to anyone who’ll listen. They didn’t. I just married someone who thinks that stuff is interesting instead. Go me.
So those are my guilty pleasures for today. I’m off now to watch more movies and give my opinions to my loving husband. The man is a saint.
SERIES: Book 4 in the Angelbound Origins Series
GENRE: Young Adult Paranormal Romance
AVAILABILITY: On iBooks, Amazon, Kobo, Barnes & Noble, and GooglePlay
LIST PRICE: $6.99
About Angelbound THRAX
Myla Lewis has married Prince Lincoln, and now they’re expecting! All the after-realms rejoice. Myla should be happy too, but she has a serious problem. The day after their honeymoon ended, Myla’s real husband disappeared.
The man who’s sharing her bed is an imposter.
Myla tries explaining about “Evil Lincoln,” but no one will listen. The reason? People think that Myla’s supernatural pregnancy is making her cray cray. Mostly because that’s what Evil Lincoln is telling everyone, and that man’s a great liar. What a creep.
There’s no way Myla will take this lying down, though. She’s going to rescue her man, and she has a pretty good idea where he’s being held. With her best friend, Cissy, along to help, Myla sneaks off to Earth. All she has to do is blend in with the humans, avoid Evil Lincoln, and find her real man before the baby arrives. How hard can it be?
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Discounts – Angelbound Series Books On Sale
Christina Bauer knows how to tell stories about kick-ass women. In her best selling Angelbound series, the heroine is a part-demon girl who loves to fight in Purgatory’s Arena and falls in love with a part-angel prince. This young adult best seller has driven more than 500,000 ebook downloads and 9,000 reviews on Goodreads and retailers. The first three books in the series are now available as audiobooks on Audible and iTunes.
Bauer has also told the story of the Women’s March on Washington by leading PR efforts for the Massachusetts Chapter. Her pre-event press release—the only one sent out on a major wire service—resulted in more than 19,000 global impressions and redistribution by over 350 different media entities including the Associated Press.
Christina graduated from Syracuse University’s Newhouse School with BA’s in English along with Television, Radio, and Film Production. She lives in Newton, MA with her husband, son, and semi-insane golden retriever, Ruby.
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